For ALL the Mamas

Sitting down for this week’s mini, I wanted to share some thoughts on my experience with Mother’s Day. I pondered how, after 22 years of being a mom, I’ve had some incredible days where I felt so celebrated and days when I wondered if my family even knew me because what they planned was SO far off the mark. I’ve had big celebrations and Mother’s Days that, if I was being honest, I just wanted to be alone. I’ve had Mother’s Days where all my kids did was fight and days when we couldn’t stop laughing. I’ve had all the versions of this day and then some.

Yet, as I sat down to write about mothering and Mother’s Day, there were some moms that I couldn’t get out of my head and my witty, and slightly sarcastic, collection of Mother’s Day follies felt a little tone deaf. Let me explain.

Last week a community very close to me lost a young girl to a tragic accident. Her mother was witness to the tragedy and I have held both of them in my heart for the past five days. Today, I thought of her and knew that she would give anything for the sleep deprived frustration I felt all those years ago when all I wanted for Mother’s Day was a few extra hours in bed. She will long for the feisty back talking teenager, who complains non stop, for the rest of her life. Those moments in time are a privilege and I don’t want to miss that honor. So today, I offer tenderness to all the mothers who desperately long to hold their babies again and who know an ache I cannot fathom. This day is also for you my brave grief warriors and I will hold space in the circle to see you and buoy you with love.

I also thought of my mother, who struggled to show up for my sister and I in the ways we needed. I know that she was doing her best, but the truth is, it wasn’t enough. I didn’t have a guide or a mentor to show me what being a good (and imperfect) mother looked like. I am deeply saddened that she is not a part of my life now. I wish she could see me become the mother to my daughters that I always wanted and needed. I think she would be so proud of me. So, for all the mothers who were not mothered in the way they needed or who longed to be held and cherished, nurtured and loved just as they are, this day is also for you. I see you my courageous sister and honor all that you have overcome to be a loving mama to your babies. The circle welcomes you and our hands reach out to embrace you with unconditional love.

And then I thought of all the mama’s whose arms ache for a child that has never been born, a child they hold only in their heart. Having struggled with infertility and gone through countless treatments and five rounds of IVF, I am keenly aware of how hard it can be to become a mother. I still find it shocking how many women struggle with infertility and how many women grieve the loss of children that will never interrupt their sleep or miss the mark with inconsiderate gifts. One friend recently said to me, “I am the mother of ghosts”. Oh love, I see you and your pain. This day is for you and all the mama love you carry waiting to be shared. This strong circle holds you with tenderness and reaches out to carry that grief alongside you.

So, as I thought more deeply about this day, my journey to motherhood and all the joy, grief, love, frustration, sorrow and wonder I have had the honor of experiencing, I realized that for me today is also about the circles of mamas that wrap around me. All the mamas who hold me up when I am crumbling under the weight of the job, who cheer me on or kick my butt when I need a reality check… we share this day. The enormity of my gratitude cannot find the right words… how can I share how honored I am to be amongst you all. So, I offer this invitation to you, a Mama Mindful Mini invitation, circle around one another. Mamas and mamas and mamas… all of us together. Holding each other up, sharing the weariness and the struggle, the grief and the longing, the sorrow and the joy, the wins and overwhelms. We all belong and I see you. We are a circle of courageous, powerful, nourishing, brave, beautiful warrior mamas and we are not alone. You are loved and we are so worth it.

Yours in heart,

Kelly Driscoll