Let go of getting it ‘right’.

If I am being honest here, creating a blog post this week was a bit of a struggle. It has been a particularly emotional week for me and my family as we said goodbye to our beloved dog, Bailey and I have been caught in the gravitational pull of deep emotion and connection. As I drew closer to Monday morning, I struggled to find the right balance of authentic sharing and useful insight, while not diving too deep for the start of your week. These weekly opportunities to connect with you are so meaningful for me and I want you to have the same experience. I want it to be meaningful. I want it to be just what you need, I want it to be “right”. 

I found myself having a similar experience with my three daughters as we tried to navigate the raw pain of losing Bailey. After we left the vet, we found ourselves at home, not sure what to do. The four of us sat, feeling lost, in the living room without speaking. One daughter cuddled in my lap, one lay on her back on the floor with arms spread wide as she stared at the ceiling. The oldest sat in an armchair hugging her knees to her chest. We were silent. We didn’t know how to do it “right”. We wanted to embrace our grief, but how exactly were we supposed to do this? We had cried what seemed like endless tears, but it felt that our grief needed something more.

My youngest broke the silence, asking if we remembered all the times Bailey had run away and been returned by a neighbor or the police? We giggled at these memories. Then the stories came. Over and over we shared. We laughed so hard our bellies hurt. At one point, someone asked Alexa to tell us a joke about a dog. I am not sure where this idea came from, but it opened a whole new door. First a dog joke, then one about a bird, a light bulb, trees, squirrels, and on it went. Eventually, someone asked Alexa to tell us a fart joke. Yes, humor with kids often tends to land in that place. Did you know that Alexa will actually make fart noises? I had NO idea. But it’s true, Alexa has a rather large array of fart noises. For nearly an hour we asked Alexa to tell us jokes and fart. We were gasping for air between hysterical laughter. The release was exquisite. 

As we lay there together, feeling completely wrung out, one of the girls asked if it was ok that we had been laughing and being silly having just lost our sweet Bay. She wanted to know if it was alright to laugh. She wanted to mourn the “right” way. It felt like we were betraying our grief by laughing and as she caught herself, I could see a sense of shame wash over her. She felt wrong. We often do that, we judge and condemn our feelings and needs without any compassionate thought. We fail to give ourselves permission to do and be without conditions and criteria that determine the validity of our feelings. So often we do this because we so desperately want to get it right. 

Here’s the rub….crying and laughing are close cousins. The release one experiences from laughing is akin to the release of a good cry. If the purpose of crying is to release the pain we are feeling, laughter is as effective. And yet, we judge it to be an inappropriate expression of grief. “Doing it right” is really more about apperences and labels than it is about doing what is right for YOU.

My invitation for you today is to release the need to do it “right” and simply show up as you are. There is no ‘right’!! Let go of expectation and parameters set by someone else. When you cling to the idea of being “right” you abandon your voice and lose so much of the experience and learning that comes from listening to what YOU need. Resist judging yourself and embrace what feels right. Listen to your inner voice that guides you and opens you to the experiences you crave and that will fill your heart. It applies to your yoga practice, as much as parenting your children. It connects to your job, as much as it connects to my need to get it this blog post right. Just show up, be brave and ditch the need to do it “right”.  For us, allowing our grief to come and be fully expressed just as it arrived, was the most incredibly beautiful experience. 

I think we got it right.