You CAN have it all!

Hello gorgeous friend!

Last week I left the gym and I was so frustrated I sat in my car for a few minutes, then posted a video on social media. If you saw that post… you know where I am headed with this, but it’s well worth hearing it again!

Having been incredibly busy the past few weeks… including a trip to Colorado to see family, I hadn’t made it to the gym in weeks when I walked in last Friday. I was thrilled to be greeted by my gym family who immediately high fived me and welcomed me back without mentioning my unusually long absence. With the joyful energy of that welcome, I jumped into the workout feeling GOOOOD.

It didn’t take long for me to shift the narrative as I became increasingly discouraged with the struggle (dang it’s REAL) I was having keeping up. I wasn’t able to lift what I normally do, and I was panting and gasping after just the first set. When the workout wrapped up, I felt defeated and frustrated. I was beating myself up for not sticking with my exercise routine and as I walked out the door, the garbage I was saying to myself internally wasn’t supportive at all.

So, as I sat in the car thinking about how I had failed myself… AGAIN, I tried to figure out how I could manage my increasing workload, carve out time for my family AND still keep my daily workouts without reverting back to getting up at 4:30am (something I vowed never to do again). I wanted to have it all. That’s when I remembered an episode of Oprah from probably 20 years ago… I’m not sure why it popped into my head at that moment, but it definitely didn’t feel accidental. I’m pretty sure the universe was at play here.

The episode I recalled was about working mothers and it was a pretty heated debate about whether or not women can “have it all”… meaning can you find joy and satisfaction as a mother and also be a successful professional. There were guests with various perspectives, offering thoughts on what balance looks like, or how to set boundaries to make it all work. It was a fascinating show… but what stuck with me, and has stayed with me all these years, was Oprah’s final assessment as she wrapped up the show. She said something to the effect of:

Can women have it all? Can you have everything you want and dream of? YES! Yes, you can have it all…. You just can’t have it all at once!

Wait, what?

That felt a lot like saying you can’t have it all. I mean, isn’t that the point I’m trying to get to? Have all the things I desire, all at that same time? It’s times like this, when I’m frustrated and my narrative has gone dark, that I challenge myself to get curious. What would it mean to have it all… but not all at the same time? I sat with it some more…

Yes, you can have it all, you just can’t have it ALL at once.

It was at this moment, sweaty from the workout, that I had to take my curiosity and shift it to compassion. Had I not been crushing it professionally and diving head first into my dreams the past few weeks? Had I not also spent time deeply connecting with my family and really living the life I have worked hard to design? Yes, yes I had! Remembering this statement from Oprah was the perfect reminder that when we are living incredibly rich and full lives, we may not be able to have everything ALL AT ONCE. It’s ok that I put my workouts aside, trading them for brunch on my aunt’s deck with cousins I haven’t seen in over 15 years. I wasn’t failing myself or abandoning a routine, I was soaking up the goodness of the moment and that was absolutely perfect!

So, your Mindful Mini invitation this week is really a reminder… keep designing rich lives full of all the incredible things you can possibly dream of! Know without a doubt that you can do and be ALL the things and never give up on what’s in your heart. And then, know that you cannot have ALL the things ALL at the same time. It’s ok to lean fully into where you are at right now, and allow other pieces to wait. When it’s time for those things, embrace them in just the way that my gym family embraced me when I jumped back into class. Resist the inclination to beat yourself up as I did when feelings of frustration, or regret surface. Offer compassion and grace and know that all things will come at the right time. 

Remember… you can have it ALL! That is the part to celebrate! Then, with compassion and understanding, remind yourself it won’t come all at once. Keep building the life you deserve, one piece at a time…you are so worth it!

Yours in heart,
Kelly Driscoll